Monday:
Why don’t you plan a three day weekend for yourself? If you’re able, take Friday or Monday off and really enjoy twenty-four additional hours of bliss and relaxation. It doesn’t sound like much, but when you have three glorious days in a row, well, it’s pretty magical. I actually feel rested, healthy, and ahead of myself for once instead of needing a nap and playing catch-up all the damn time. Truly these kinds of breaks are glorious. Treat yourself.
Tuesday:
Why don’t you implement some kind of basic fitness regime into your life? I know how awful it is, reader, trust me. But still I know that when I do something for my physical health I truly feel better. So now I’m doing one hundred squats and pushups every day. All at once or in sets of twenty-five or whatever works. I’ve been doing this for about two weeks now and I honestly feel worlds different. It’s so nice not to exercise but it does treat you right. How annoying. There should just be a surgery for this.
Wednesday:
Why don’t you start counting calories and become beautiful again? I don’t mean to sound like a fitness guru, for that is certainly not what I am, but I have been spending most of 2018 feeling gross and pudgy. I’ve been counting calories for a week — nothing crazy, just a bit restricted — and I haven’t weighed myself because I’m too lazy to run to Walmart for batteries for my scale — but I feel healthier than I have in ages. Maybe it’s a miracle cure? There should be a surgery for this, too that is readily available and cheap.
Thursday:
Why don’t you wash your entire bed and then imagine you’re spending the night in a five-star hotel? Years ago I decided that I would turn my everyday home into a vacation home. I still have too many things and one room that isn’t done, but I’m close to the sanctuary and escapism that I feel at the Chateau Marmont. Yesterday I washed everything on my pillow top king size bed. The Egyptian cotton sheets were bleached and ironed. The duvet was beaten. The pillows were washed twice. I sprayed Chanel cologne into the dryer. Everything feels so luxurious right now. You can make your life decadent.
Friday:
Why don’t you make some air popped popcorn and then cover it in brown butter? It changes everything, reader. Last night when I got home from class, I made some popcorn and got distracted by Eartha Kitt music videos from the 80s — do watch them, they are deliciously insane — and my butter got a bit more than melted. This tastes fabulous on pasta, so I added it to my popcorn. Then I started gasping in delight. My god, it was delicious. I will never go back to regular popcorn.
